Hollywood: A brief tirade

I just read today that the director of "Very Bad Things" is shooting ANOTHER remake of Frank Herbert's "Dune". (For those of you keeping track of such things, this would be the THIRD remake of the popular sci fi epic.)

Meanwhile, one of the big Hollywood blockbusters that we're being primed to see this summer is another "Incredible Hulk" movie. (This would also technically be the third Hulk movie as the pilots for the 1970's Lou Ferrigno tv-show was also released as a motion picture in movie theaters and did pretty well, too. The 2003 Ang Lee movie, "The Hulk" had the Hulk fighting Hulkanized dogs. I shit you not.)

They are currently filming a live action version of the GI JOE cartoon show.

Ridley Scott is reshooting "The Andromeda Strain" for a tv miniseries.

"The Land Of The Lost" is being turned into a movie now.

"Robocop" is coming back.

"Fame" is coming back. No doubt, it will be hyper-"American Idol"ized and nearly unwatchable. (Let's face it, the source material is pretty fucking terrible.)
The Wolverine solo sequel is almost completely shot and will be out next year.

The director of "Mad Max", George Miller, is working up a live-action "Justice League" movie.

Universal Studios has signed a deal to shoot 7 different movies based on "Dark Horse Comics" properties.

Also, the "Harry Potter" series merrily marches on...
As does the "Chronicles of Narnia"...
As does the CGI "Star Wars : Clone Wars" movie...
As does the "Star Trek" movie series (although Abrams spin on the next movie sounds interesting)...
As does the "James Bond" movie series...
As does the "Batman" movie series...
As does the "Terminator" movie series...

As do the "Epic/Date / Superhero parody" movie series...

ENOUGH!
ALREADY!

DEAR HOLLYWOOD,

PLEASE QUIT TRYING TO SELL US THE SAME OLD SHIT THAT WE'VE ALREADY BOUGHT, TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

WE DON'T WANT FRANCHISES.

WE WANT STORIES.

WE ARE STARVING FOR A CLEAR LOGICAL NARRATIVE. ONE THAT DOESN'T AIM TO GET US TO A WEBSITE, TO BUY AN ACTION FIGURE OR TO GO SEE TWO MORE FUCKING MOVIES TO SEE HOW THE FUCKING STORY ENDS!

(FUCK YOU MATRIX MOVIES!)

YOUR TICKET SALES ARE NOT AT A RECORD LOW BECAUSE OF ONLINE CONTENT OR MOVIE PIRACY. IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE BANKRUPT. YOU HAVE NOTHING NEW OR INTERESTING TO SELL US. IT'S SO BAD, YOU'RE PICKING THROUGH OUR CHILDHOOD LIBRARIES, TRYING TO SELL US STORIES WE ALREADY OWN!

(DID WE REALLY NEED A SECOND WILLY WONKA MOVIE, ALMOST IDENTICAL TO THE FIRST ONE?)

SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU HOLLYWOOD.

THANKS FOR BEING SO FUCKING BORING AND REPETITIVE, THAT NATIONAL POLITICS LOOKS INTERESTING. THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU FUCKING BORE ME.

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BOTHER TO MAKE ANYTHING NEW OR INTERESTING, I'M NOT GOING TO BOTHER TO GO SEE YOUR SHITTY, SHITTY MOVIES AT ANYTHING NEAR FULL PRICE.

NO MONEY FOR YOU, FUCKWADS.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a "Battlestar Galactica" boxed set to go pick up and peruse for the next few days. It ain't new, but it certainly IS interesting.

Disappointed,

Mr.B

(PS. You can't create "whimsy" in a corporate boardroom, you fucking cretins.)